Queerly Beloved: a review

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Queerly Beloved is an unusually candid memoir.

I’ve always been fascinated by gender diversity. A memoir has just been published that explores what happens when one partner in a long-term lesbian relationship transitions to being a man. What surprised me about Queerly Beloved (Bold Strokes Books, May 2014, $9.99 ebook) is that the authors are extremely candid about the emotional challenges such transitioning can involve.

Here’s my review:

In a nutshell: Years ago, a driven young woman called Diane met another young woman called Suzy. They instantly bonded. After 15 years of what seemed to be a happy long-term relationship, including several wedding ceremonies, Suzy began to see herself as a transgender male—and transitioned to becoming a man called Jacob. While Diane was ostensibly supportive, she was also crushed. The two are still together, legally married, and Diane still works in the queer community; she’s executive editor of The Advocate. However, since her husband is now a man, she has to put up with the baggage of being viewed as a straight woman.

My take: First of all, I was consistently fascinated by this book. The book is narrated in two voices, Diane and Suzy (Jacob) sections, making it a very intimate read. I found myself liking Jacob’s voice more and identifying with his personality more, which was strange for me. I don’t identify as a butch woman, but I have always felt androgynous. Jacob’s voice seemed gentler to me; he seemed a kinder, more balanced person.

What complicated the book for me is that I felt like I was sitting in on a marriage counseling session. By the end of the book I was beginning to feel that Diane, admittedly a control freak, was deeply unhappy, even though her commitment to keeping the *relationship* going was absolute. A hair-raising story of Diane’s one night stand with a man in New Orleans when she was trying to get pregnant, while bravely told, made me wonder about the ongoing stability of the relationship. I believe the book would have been better entitled “A Marriage Across Genders,” because what we have here is a beautiful, sometimes overwrought story of an embattled marriage.

I found it poignant that Diane most misses the companionship of her sympathetic lesbian partner, who has effectively disappeared. Jacob admits that testosterone has had a big effect on his personality. In his case, he finds it positive. Men treat him like a buddy (something he didn’t expect). He “passes” well. Both gay men and women flirt with him.

It couldn’t escape my attention that Jacob, because of his male role, is now given more power in the world, while glamorous Diane has been relegated to the role of wife, a wife desperate to keep her husband’s attention, it seems. And I think those changing dynamics within the couple are reflected in the bittersweet tone of the book. It’s a fascinating read, and it is clear that these people still have a deep bond, but I am not sure that their story is a simple “love story” any longer.

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So You Want To Make A Living Writing? 13 Harsh Truths.

Disclaimer: I haven’t read Bob Mayer’s books, but I always like his trenchant advice. Nos. 8 and 9 on this list particularly spoke to me.

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Fussy says it's official!

Fussy says it’s official!

Happy Easter! It’s nice to look out the window into the sunny garden as I type.

I’m happy to be able to post The Fussy Librarian’s seal of approval on my blog. The Fussy Librarian is a free subscription service that matches readers via email with books that they might like to read. You get to choose what genres you prefer and indicate the level of violence and sexuality you’re comfortable with.

Time of Grace was picked up as a title for promotion by The Fussy Librarian once, and I just received news that it will run again soon—this Sunday, April 27!

More info about The Fussy Librarian, in their own words:

Bewildered by the number of ebooks out there? Choose from 40 genres, select content preferences such as the amount of sex and violence, and www.TheFussyLibrarian.com emails you daily deals.”

 

 

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‘X-Men’ Director Bryan Singer Accused of Sexually Abusing Teenage Boy

I think this is an important thing to reblog, so here it is.

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In Memoriam: Anja Niedringhaus (1965—2014)

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Red City Review is a newish online professional literary book review. They gave Time of Grace a 5-star review last month, and I was very pleased. But the icing on the cake was when I was informed a few days ago that Time of Grace was chosen as the Best Book of the Month for February 2014!

Here’s an excerpt from the review:

This novel is both moving and thought provoking, as the narrative succeeds at placing a story about a same-sex relationship in the distant past during a turbulent time in history with relative ease. Caroline and Grace are both fully imagined and realized characters upon the page that any reader will be able to relate with, as their desires and passions are described in such rich detail. West has a great ability of weaving in historical facts into her story, placing her characters right in the thick of a real life event. The juxtaposition across gender roles, class status, and sexuality causes nice boundaries for the conflicts that occur throughout the story. The novel balances the facts, fiction and romantic elements in a superb fashion. Although the book is relatively short, coming in at just around 260 pages, it is full of tantalizing plot lines and moments that will stay with the reader for a long time to come.

My thanks to the anonymous reviewer. Needless to say, I’m not associated with RCR in any way. I don’t often enter contests, and I can count the number of awards I’ve gotten on one hand. Since one of the criteria of the award was that the book stays “within the reader’s mind after the pages are done turning,” I’m thrilled that Time of Grace had that kind of impact.

 

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Paradise with Power Cuts: How to Be a Digital Nomad

Writer and editor Jennifer Barclay took a huge leap of faith when she left her London publishing job to move to the small Greek island of Tilos, where she basks in the natural beauty of her surroundings and still continues to work as a freelance editor. I’m fascinated by people who make big life changes in order to follow their bliss yet remain grounded in the real world as well. Read on for more of Barclay’s story…

Paradise with Power Cuts: How to Be a Digital Nomad

Jennifer Barclay, author of Falling in Honey: How a Tiny Greek Island Stole My Heart

I’m delighted to be hosted by Gabriella West, to talk about how I came to live as a digital nomad; particularly because Gabriella, like me, divides her time between publishing her own work as a writer, and helping other authors as an editor. The give and take of that creative process is very inspiring.

For me, having worked for a literary agency in Canada then for an independent publishing house in England gave me the skills I need to be a digital nomad today – to work from home as an editor, writer and agent from a tiny Greek island.

Jen's Tilos office...

Jen’s Tilos office…

I looked out of my window earlier, over the whitewashed roof of the little Byzantine chapel, down to the lush valley and the rugged hills, and I smiled and thought: ‘Nope, not sick of that view yet!’ Amid the glories of blue skies and empty beaches and rugged mountains, every day I count my blessings: having more time to myself, to do my writing and go for long walks, a far cry from the routine of an office.

The job I left was in many ways a dream job: editorial director at a book publisher. I had good colleagues and I got to commission and edit all sorts of non-fiction.

One evening I went to see Sarah Outen launch her memoir of rowing solo across the Indian Ocean. I looked around a room full of people who had done extraordinary things, following their passion – skied across Antarctica, cycled through Africa, paraglided over the Himalayas – and as I watched Sarah standing barefoot on a chair to read to the audience, I realised I had more than a little in common with these folks.

I’d become bored with doing the same thing year after year. Sitting at my desk one day, emailing associates in various parts of the globe or colleagues in the next office, I thought, ‘I could be doing much of my job from anywhere.’ Apart from the meetings, there was no reason for me to be physically there. I decided to put it to the test, and spend two weeks working from a Greek island – a tiny place called Tilos that I’d fallen in love with the year before. I was thrilled when friends offered to rent me a simple apartment next door to the bakery, a few minutes’ walk from the sea, with a huge, sunny terrace and wireless Internet.

That, more or less, is where my book Falling in Honey: How a Tiny Greek Island Stole My Heart begins. (OK, there was another little blip in my life that made me take the plunge too: the guy who changed his mind about wanting a future with me. Ah yes. Well, I guess for that bit you’re going to have to read the book…)

I arrived on a sunny, peaceful day in May, the sea a glittering blue. The wireless Internet wasn’t working yet, so I sat in a café in the shady square and sipped iced coffee with a cat curled beside me. Old men gossiped at the other end of the square, and the fishermen sold the day’s catch. Little did they know I was dealing with emails from agents and publishers, editing books, reviewing book covers and manuscripts, even solving a dispute between a couple of colleagues…

SignEvery day I took a long lunch break: a long swim, half an hour in the sun and I was ready for whatever the afternoon threw at me. In the early evening, I shut down the computer and went for a walk around the bay, picked some herbs to add to my dinner, ending up back on the terrace with a glass of wine and a book. It was perfect, even better than I’d hoped.

But could I make it work long-term?

I’d have to downsize my job and get used to a lower income, but I’d be cutting my costs, too. With the extra free time I’d be able to write more.

My decision to take the plunge came as book publishing was facing big changes, and many editorial staff were being let go. This meant working at home as a freelancer suddenly became normal. On the other hand, it meant there were freelance editors everywhere you looked. But I had my contacts and experience; I’d have to rely on them, along with my interest in doing more business online and my enthusiasm for working with authors, and hope for the best.

So I moved to a little house in the middle of nowhere on the wild little island, with a view of the sea and the hills from the kitchen where I set up my office. Ants crawled across my computer screen and birds flew into the house, and goats grazed in the field outside.

I soon noticed that paradise comes with occasional power cuts. Winter brings extreme rainstorms with lightning that will burn out a modem in seconds if you’re not quick enough to unplug everything. Sometimes, my office simply has to close down for an hour or two. I keep the laptop charged and loaded with work.

But it’s a small price to pay. I have the freedom to work whenever I want, wherever I want. I feel very lucky.

Jennifer Barclay is the author of Falling in Honey: How a Tiny Greek Island Stole My Heart (Sourcebooks).

www.octopus-in-my-ouzo.blogspot.com

www.jennifer-barclay.blogspot.com

Thanks to Jennifer Barclay for letting me feature her inspiring story here! I encourage readers to pick up her book Falling in Honey: the peacefulness and wild beauty of Tilos are evoked so well in her memoir. It is rare to read about a woman falling in love with a place rather than a person, but perhaps this is the truest and most healing kind of love.

Posted in Guest Bloggers, Travel, Work/Life Balance, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Read an Ebook Week ended on Saturday night. Lots of copies of Time of Grace flew off the virtual shelves at Smashwords during the weeklong promo, and on the very last day three copies of Connecting the Dots sold at the same time, presumably to one person. I was pretty happy with that.

Falling in Honey

‘Falling in Honey’ has just been published by Sourcebooks.

Tomorrow, in a first for this blog, an author will be doing a guest post! Jennifer Barclay lives and freelances on the small Greek island of Tilos, writes a blog called Octopus in my Ouzo, and has just released her wonderful memoir, Falling in Honey: How a Tiny Greek Island Stole My Heart (Sourcebooks). (I requested it as an ARC from NetGalley last winter and was thrilled to be asked by the publisher to be a part of her blog tour.)

So, tomorrow, look out for Jen’s post: “Paradise with Power Cuts: How to Be a Digital Nomad.”

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Read an Ebook Week Starts Today

I’m participating in Read an Ebook Week 2014 over at Smashwords. The skinny: in this annual event, running from March 2 through 8, thousands of ebooks are free or discounted. It’s kind of like the cyber equivalent of a library sale…

Time of GraceConnecting the Dots, my memoir about being diagnosed with ADHD in midlife,  is 50 percent off (use code REW50 to get the discount)—while Time of Grace is free!

The books can be found on my Smashwords profile page here. Just make sure to enter the coupon code that Smashwords supplies at checkout. All ebook formats are available, and the promotion lasts only through Saturday, March 8.

And this year, I must make sure to browse for some books myself!

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The East Bay Express ran an interesting story last month about a Berkeley (or Oakland) man who leaves colorful Post-it notes—expressing various positive sentiments—all over town (on bikes, bus windows, cafe tables).

The man prefers to remain anonymous; the article calls him Mr. Postette. And he’s doing it for the best of reasons:

Mr. Postette said he started to leave inspirational notes mainly because he needed to be inspired. “At one point, I was feeling really unmotivated and uninspired to do anything at all, so I wrote a bunch of quotes down on Post-It Notes and put them up on my wall, in my room. I took those down, and started putting them around town.” He uses different color notes for different themes. “The past is usually green. Change is blue. Hope is yellow. A lot of them are yellow because I like yellow. Sometimes I’ll assign a secondary color. Pink is a secondary color for hope.”

Postettes

From the Postette Facebook page–click to enlarge pic

I love the fact that his notes are color-coded and cleverly phrased. I particularly like: “I ruin everything—Expectation.” Or “I can’t stop—Time.”

The reporter asks about his motivations:

Although the notes absorb his attention, Mr. Postette said he doesn’t really know why he continues to do them. He doesn’t think of himself as an artist. “They’re a distraction for me,” he said. “It keeps me doing something good, as opposed to doing something else.”

Some of his friends and family have suggested that he try to make money off of the concept, but the idea doesn’t interest him. “I don’t think I want to make money off of it,” he said. “It’s good, anonymous, and money is — I just have this issue with money. I don’t like it. I feel like making money off of this would taint it in some way.

Clearly, Mr. Postette’s mental health is improved by his project, as well as the mood of those he comes in contact with. We really need him in San Francisco!

Posted on by Gabriella West | 2 Comments